"I’m so afraid of losing something I love that I refuse to love anything."
In his novel, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Jonathan Foer reveals the impact of the 911 New York tragedy during 2001 using the experiences of a little boy named Oskar who's father was victim to the twin tower terrorist attack. As Oskar comes to terms with his father's death and seeks closure, Foer inspires the reader to consider what role love plays in our lives, and sends a strong message to the reader about communication. This essay navigates Foer's sad, yet, insightful story of a young boy learning how to grow up and overall overcome the obstacles that are tied to loss.
Through the Door
By Giovanna Napoleone
In the novel Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Foer, the author illustrates the struggles present in the lives of different characters named Oskar, Thomas, and Anna’s sister. In the story, each individual navigates different losses of loved ones that have changed them. Oskar has just lost his father due to the tragedy known as 911, a terrorist attack on the two twin towers of New York, and both Thomas and Anna’s sister have lost Anna in the bombing of Dresden, Germany. By using specific metaphors, the author develops a sophisticated theme about communication within each situation of loss. Therefore, in the novel, Foer portrays that when one experiences a loss, they have difficulty communicating properly, which ultimately leads to the lack of communication for needed love.
In the book Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, the author suggests that when one experiences a loss, they have a lack of communication. Throughout the story, Oskar struggles in coping with his father’s death, however, when he finds a key hidden in his father’s room he is hopefully desperate to figure out what it opens, thinking that it will give him closure. While spending a day searching his house for the right lock, he is very disappointed when he can not find what it opens. As a result, Oskar creates an invention that night. Oskar narrates,“In bed that night I invented a special drain that would be underneath every pillow in New York, and would connect to the reservoir. Whenever people cried themselves to sleep, the tears would all go to the same place… and you could know if New York was in Heavy Boots”(38). This night, Oskar cries himself to sleep, and describes his sadness as having heavy boots. However, by not directly stating that he has cried himself to sleep, and by not directly stating that he is sad, Foer does not literally state that Oskar is crying to more clearly show how Oskar is trying to hide his feelings from others because he does not communicate them literally. The invention itself is also demonstrates Oskar’s desire to connect and communicate with others who are suffering as to know that he is not alone. By wanting to connect people’s feelings, Foer tells us that Oskar wants to connect his feelings with somebody. However, Oskar cries himself to sleep because he can not connect with someone since he does not communicate his feelings aloud. Overall, by Oskar not describing his sadness, the author Foer is trying to display a theme about a lack of communication when one experiences a loss.
In addition to using Oskar as a person who is having trouble communicating, Foer also utilizes Thomas and Anna’s sister’s marriage to exhibit his theme. For example, in Thomas and Anna’s sister’s shared apartment after they got married, they created spaces called ‘Nothing Places’ in which Thomas and his wife could pretend that they did not exist. Thomas states, “...we were trying to make our lives easier, trying, with all of our rules, to make life effortless… [but then] our apartment was more Nothing than Something, that in itself didn't have to be a problem, it could have been a good thing, it could have saved us. [However] We got worse” (110-111). When stating how rules will make their lives easier, Foer reveals that Thomas and Anna’s sister have a lack of communication after their loss because through Nothing Spaces they ignore themselves, others, and their feelings. Rules are things that prohibit or prevent something from happening, and in this case, Nothing Places are Thomas and Anna’s way of blocking their feelings. They believed that by building walls around their emotions, or by making their emotions invisible, they would protect themselves and their lives from becoming worse and give them the power to move on, however, as noted by Thomas, it made the situation worse. By holding back their feelings, Thomas and Anna’s sister could not communicate properly to each other, so eventually their marriage became unsuccessful, which supports Foer’s claim that as followed by a loss of a loved one and communication, there is an absence of communication for love.
In the novel, Foer assesses his thematic argument again in the case of Oskar’s relationship with his mother after they have an argument. In the argument, Oskar yells at his mother about his father’s death. Following the conflict, Oskar mentions again how he hurts himself with bruises, for he feels a sense of guilt about the death. After the argument, the mother has to put Oskar to bed, and during the process, Oskar writes in his feelings journal, “… she must have seen all of my bruises… I want her to ask me how I got them… and to promise me that she won’t die and leave me alone. But she didn’t say anything… my shirt was over my head, covering my face like a pocket, or a skull” (172-173). Bruises are examples of an internal injury, and can be seen as an example used by Foer to present how Oskar has an internal way of keeping in his feelings which is a symbolic way of hurting himself. By choosing to use bruises instead of blood, which is exposed on the outside of the injury, the author spreads the idea that Oskar does not want to let his feelings out, which is hurting him. He's writing all of the neglect and hurt he feels in his journal per all uppercase letters as if he is shouting it, which is another way of saying that Oskar wants to let out his painful thoughts, yet, he never finds the will to say it so it never gets said or communicated. In brief, when one is hurting because of a loss, they instinctively try not to communicate with others to protect their feelings, which in time, usually results in more pain.
The idea that love is often lost when experiencing a loss is progressed in the novel Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close when Oskar and his mother go to the therapist to discuss their loved one’s death. For example, right after Oskar tells his therapist that he wants to bury his feelings deep inside him, Foer proceeds to have Oskar try to listen in on his mother’s conversation with the therapist through a door. Oskar asserts, “[I] got on my knees and pressed the whatever-the-end-is-called against the door… I couldn’t hear a lot, and sometimes I wasn’t sure if no one was talking or if I just wasn't hearing what they were saying” (203). The text of the mother and therapist’s conversation that follows is written in intervals, with important words and phrases missing. By the broken text, the author is trying to imply that when blocking off one’s feelings, they are unable to receive important messages, and as established later throughout the text, that the important message is usually love. Since Oskar could not receive clear, important messages from his mom through the door at the therapist, it is evident that Foer uses the door as a symbol for the invisible blockage of feelings in the characters experiencing loss, such as Oskar, throughout the story. In short, Foer portrays his theme of communication through the use of the door to symbolize locked and protected feelings.
The author of the book adds to his argument by illustrating another symbol of nonexistent communication when discussing the letters Thomas writes and usually never sends to others. For instance, Foer presents a letter from Thomas, Oskar’s grandfather, to Oskar’s dad, which states his feelings on not being able to tell others about his past, and what he realizes about it now. In the letter, Thomas writes “Maybe if I had said… ‘I’m so afraid of losing something I love that I refuse to love anything,’ maybe that would have made the impossible possible...but I couldn’t do it, I had buried too much deep inside me…[Instead I am] writing another letter I know I won’t be able to send, no matter how hard I try and how much I want to. How did that boy making love... become this man writing this letter...?” (216). By stating how he used to make love, Thomas suggests that he doesn't anymore, which is evidently a result of burying his feelings just as Oskar has wanted to. Instead of being open to communication, he has closed himself off from others, and is stuck writing letters that will never get his message across because he does not think he will ever send them. Again, his sole reason for hiding his emotions is because Thomas has experienced a terrible loss, and he is afraid of getting hurt again similarly to when Anna, whom he gave all his love to, left him. In summary, Thomas’s letters are utilized by Jonathan Foer in order to show how characters who have lost a loved one can not express themselves clearly and as a result, lose love.
Complementing the idea of loss of love due to lack of communication, the author of the story demonstrates his theme by having Oskar’s father tell Oskar the story of the Sixth Borough the day before his death. In the tale, there is a myth that a sixth borough had existed in New York City, and within the incident of the Sixth Borough disappearing, a boy and girl's friendship also disappeared. Oskar’s father explains, “‘The boy asked the girl to say ‘I love you’ into her [communication] can, giving her no further explanation. And she didn’t ask for any, or say “ That’s silly,’... she said ‘I love you.’... The boy covered his can with a lid, removed it from the string, and put her love for him on a shelf in his closet…[and] they floated away, one millimeter at a time”(220-221). In the excerpt, Foer determines the necessity of love, and how one should not restrict themselves from expressing it. He emphasizes that love can be trapped and never released by using the example of the can. If love is never communicated and kept contained, people lose relationships, which is one of the reasons why Foer has New York City and the Sixth Borough grow apart in the story. Thus, when feelings are never expressed and messages don't go through, love can not be known.
Developing the theme of the lack of love derived from an absence if communication, Foer maintains his claim by enforcing the importance of love in the book. For example, near the end of the novel, Foer unfolds Anna’s sister’s feeling of regret she has towards not getting to tell her sister that she loves her. Anna’s sister states, “There was never a right time to say it. It was always unnecessary… And how can you say I love you to someone you love?... It’s always necessary.” (314). The author affirms the frustration of not expressing love towards each other by having Anna’s sister pose the question in the last sentence of the excerpt to show how Anna’s sister did not know how to express her unspoken love until it was too late. Anna’s sister wanted to get love out of the can but never got the chance to. Surely, Anna’s sister’s restraint of saying I love you further displays Foer’s argument of how communication of love is lost when one a loved one passes away.
Finally, the thematic argument Foer poses is drawn to a close within the letter Oskar receives from Stephen Hawking, in which Hawking simplifies, solves, and addresses the conflicts of communication that each character is struggling through throughout the novel. Stephen writes,“...like a simple solution to an impossible problem: today is the day I’ve been waiting for… What’s real? What isn’t real? Maybe those aren’t the right questions to be asking. What does life depend on? I wish I had made things for life to depend on. What if you never stop inventing? Maybe you’re not inventing at all” (304-305). By telling Oskar that life depends on love, Foer displays through Stephen Hawking that every blockage in communication is taking each character farther away from love, and so at the end of the day, one should say what they need to say because if you don’t, important messages will never be sent. Therefore, barriers in communication that result from loss limit the transmission of love, and so, one should not hold back their feelings.
Within the novel Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Foer, the author clearly presents that when one experiences a loss, they have difficulty communicating, which leads to a lack of communication for needed love. This idea is illustrated by the author through the evident struggles of Oskar, Thomas, and Anna’s sister in the story because each character clearly expresses themselves in ways that show they have a difficulty in voicing their emotions. According to Foer, in each case of bad communication comes the closing off of one’s vulnerable feelings for protection. However, by the end of the book, Foer notes that love is what life depends on, and one should communicate freely with others in times of loss in order to allow the communication of love.